Corey Yardley

Dream Big

May- Mental Health Awareness Month

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If you’ve followed my blog posts closely you have definitely read through some of my manic episodes.  One of my postings in March, when I told everybody that I was running away forever was one of my worst.  After two trips to a rehabilitation clinic, multiple therapists, and multiple diagnosises and medications; the doctor’s finally got it right.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder during my last trip to the hospital in March.  Many people are ashamed of their illness but I am not.  I’m not bragging or wanting sympathy, because it’s not a fun thing to have.  I write openly about it because A:  That’s what people love about my writing, I hold nothing back; and B:  Maybe someone out there is reading this that was like me and was wondering what the Hell was wrong with them.

I’ll begin by explaining the disease, I got my information from this website- You can click the link for more information. 

“Bipolar disorder affects men and women equally. It usually appears between ages 15 – 25. The exact cause is unknown, but it occurs more often in relatives of people with bipolar disorder.”  Since it has no exact cause, it makes the diagnosis very difficult, and basically patients like me go through trial and error before being diagnosed.  Some triggers include:

  • Life changes such as childbirth
  • Medications such as antidepressants or steroids
  • Periods of sleeplessness
  • Recreational drug use 

Some of the symptoms I had were:                                                                                        

  • Daily low mood
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Eating disturbances
    • Loss of appetite and weight loss
    • Overeating and weight gain
  • Fatigue or listlessness
  • Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and/or guilt
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Persistent sadness
  • Persistent thoughts of death
  • Sleep disturbances
    • Excessive sleepiness
    • Inability to sleep
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Withdrawal from activities that were once enjoyed
  • Withdrawal from friends

I was originally diagnosed with depression when I was 18.  I waived the anti-depressants because I wanted to take the ADD stimulant-Adderall.  Adderall, Ritalin, any of those stimulants are very dangerous, they’re basically prescribed speed.  I took the Adderall for about three years but it only helped my deression short-term.

I started feeling like crap every day and had no motivation to do anything.  The only thing that could get me out of bed was that stimulant, but even when I got out of bed I felt like crap.  They took me off of the Adderall and placed me on anti-depressants.  This didn’t help me at all, I just layed in bed and did nothing. 

Once I stopped taking the anti-depressants my “manic episode” began.  I started drinking by myself earlier and heavier each day.  I did things to the ones that loved me, because I hated myself, why should they love me?  I tried to kill myself in January and was committed to St. Lukes Rehabilitation center in Cedar Rapids. 

The Dr. said I had anxiety and depression.  I felt a little bit better with the new medication, but I was still unmotivated and didn’t eat.  After about a month and a half I had another manic episode.  My girlfriend stopped talking to me and I handled it improperly and irrationally.  I agreed to admitting myself again to the same hospital.

He diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder and with the right medications I FINALLY feel great!  I have gained 40 pounds since the second trip, my mood is high, and I can do the things that I want to do every day.  I thank God for my health, and hope that none of you have to go through this.  If you ever need advice or help with anything that I’ve encountered in my life never be afraid to ask me, I’m always glad to health.

Also, if you read my last post I am going to have Erynn make all blue duct tape wrist bands.  These however will be $2 dollars.  The reasoning is so that I can give 1 dollar to Erynn’s charity and the other dollar will go towards “The Depression and Bipolar Alliance” charity.  Here’s the link-

The bands will be bright green and say “Dream Big” on them.  Contact me on Facebook if you’d like one!  Thanks for reading, my book will be done VERY soon!  Also come watch me speak at gradutation on Sunday, May 22 if you have nothing better to do!

Dream Big CY


Written by coreyyardley

May 9, 2011 at 11:02 PM

One Response

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  1. Great you’ve got a combo that works for you. I’m a pill nerd, what are you on? I’ve tried a bunch of them over the last three years, but currently on effexor (antidepressant) and clonazepam (antipsychotic).

    Christopher Banks

    May 10, 2011 at 11:25 AM

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